Hope you're all survived enjoyed the Easter break. We've seen family and relaxed between working (grown-up) and studying (Tubblet). Our big treat was going to see Arcade Fire at Wembley. Awesome! Live footage over at NME and a few photos on my Instagram. (Finally remembered the password! 😶 )
All that family time reminded me this post about relationships was lurking in my drafts. Which is a bit awkward. Having asked a load of lovely bloggers about relationships and written the post, I stopped blogging for months. My apologies to everyone who helped me write this. Better late than never ...
"I am human and I want to be loved ..." wailed Morrisey to one of the greatest guitar riffs by Johnny Marr. (How soon is now - The Smiths). A sentiment that most of us can relate too. But finding the right person to have a relationship with is hard. And once you've found them, maintaining that relationship is really hard work.
All that family time reminded me this post about relationships was lurking in my drafts. Which is a bit awkward. Having asked a load of lovely bloggers about relationships and written the post, I stopped blogging for months. My apologies to everyone who helped me write this. Better late than never ...
"I am human and I want to be loved ..." wailed Morrisey to one of the greatest guitar riffs by Johnny Marr. (How soon is now - The Smiths). A sentiment that most of us can relate too. But finding the right person to have a relationship with is hard. And once you've found them, maintaining that relationship is really hard work.
I've learnt a few things about relationships over the years. One of them is ask when you need help, so I did. Here's a mix-up of my and other bloggers relationship advice. Take what you need, ignore the rest.
You talk and listen to each other.
You both feel comfortable telling each other most things - that you're happy, sad, your feelings have been hurt etc.
Danielle (Someone's Mum): "Communication and honesty My husband is my best friend and confidante. There is nothing I would tell anyone that I would not tell him."
Maria (Suburban Mum): "Keeping the conversation going and asking about each others day. Sometimes it's all too easy to talk about the kids that we forget about ourselves and our partners, oh and date nights once a month!"
Beth (Twinderelmo): Try to set aside a specific date night for you both - whether it be going out or staying in. Phones off and just spend time together". Thanks to Lianne (Mrs Mummy Harris), I have discovered alphabet dating.
But you also enjoy your own space and have your own interests Jen (Just Average Jen): "Time apart ... I don't mean separation but time doing separate interests and different friends etc so it's not all about having shared times though they are important too".
Natalie (The Diary of an Unexpected Mother): "Appreciating what the other one does for you/your family."
You can each be yourselves.
You know how weird they are, they know how weird you are and you still like each other. Everyone has their flaws. Talk about it, sort things out and move forward.
Carla (Random Thoughts of a Twenty Something): "Having realistic expectations from one another and being honest is something has made us cross rather than holding it in!"
You don't sweat the small stuff.
Tracy (Pack the PJs): "Not sweating the small stuff. Taking time out to realise that a lot of things don't really matter - as parents we have so much to worry about, it's good to take a step back, together, and realise that a lot of it doesn't really matter. Less stress leads to happier relationships!"
Lyra (This Is Where I Blog): "Forgiving the little annoying things! Getting too annoyed at things that don't really matter (who's turn it is to wash up, laundry not being folded properly) will only lead to madness! (Very different if one party is genuinely not pulling their weight of course, but as long as everyone is trying and means well that's the important thing!"
You laugh together.
Laughter really can be the best medicine and a little goes a long way.
Victoria (Lylia Rose): "Compromise and a sense of humour! Being able to have banter with one another and take the mickey out of each other (within reason) and realise we both have flaws, but we love each other for them anyway!".
Kelly (Kelly Allen Writer): 'In jokes'! When my hubby and I are a bit irritble, we crack a joke or bring up a memory (normally from a bad time we can now laugh at) and it reforms the bond between us, we know we got through 'that' so we can get through anything. Also realising what keeps you both ticking, and for us it's intimacy".
You enjoy each other's company.
Enough to look up from social media, put the phone down and do things together. Rev T and I have travelled to some great places, seen loads of good bands, watched some rubbish films and learnt DIY from watching YouTube.Beth (Twinderelmo): Try to set aside a specific date night for you both - whether it be going out or staying in. Phones off and just spend time together". Thanks to Lianne (Mrs Mummy Harris), I have discovered alphabet dating.
But you also enjoy your own space and have your own interests Jen (Just Average Jen): "Time apart ... I don't mean separation but time doing separate interests and different friends etc so it's not all about having shared times though they are important too".
Fight the good fight ...
As the old hymn says ... Amy (The Mighty Duxburys): "A good old argument every now and then. You can't agree with everything all the time (that's unhealthy!) and sometimes, you need to just have it out with each other. Within reason, of course!"
Jade (Raw Childhood): "My family always laugh at me and my oh because we bicker about silly things a good few times a day but we never have any big arguments. When we need to say something we just say it and it never turns into something bigger than it should be which results in us being very happy."
Jade (Raw Childhood): "My family always laugh at me and my oh because we bicker about silly things a good few times a day but we never have any big arguments. When we need to say something we just say it and it never turns into something bigger than it should be which results in us being very happy."
You share things.
Like responsibility for chores, taking care of children or pets ... There are no boy or girl jobs. You may not want to do the washing up, but you do. Because it saves them a job.Natalie (The Diary of an Unexpected Mother): "Appreciating what the other one does for you/your family."
You take it in turns ...
Kimberly (Odd Hogg): "Do what the other person likes sometimes. I don't mean always let them pick the movie - you need to have your say too! But a good balance of doing something you may not be interested in we'll mean they feel happy too, and it will be your turn next time. It's all about give and take".You trust each other.
And you don't worry about what they're up to when you're not there. You both have your own friends, interests and are happy spending time apart.
Lisa (That British Betty): "Trust. I think being able to trust them 100% with things like finances, fidelity etc is so important. Insecurity and doubt are poisonous."
Louise (Pink Pear Bear): "Being able to change together. I'm a very different person to when we got together, and so is my husband but we accept each other for who we are. Also texting, it's so nice to have little texts through the day!"
Real love, real relationships require you to be vulnerable. You open yourself up to someone. They could hurt you. It's a risk. But one worth taking.
Lisa (That British Betty): "Trust. I think being able to trust them 100% with things like finances, fidelity etc is so important. Insecurity and doubt are poisonous."
They make your heart skip a beat.
There are grown-up cuddles. Amy (All Things Amy): "Can I be honest? Sex & intimacy. I really think it's important that you show each other that you still find each other attractive and love one another."You want the same things.
Over the long term. Your own home? Marriage? Kids? Dogs or cats? But you also evolve and change together.Louise (Pink Pear Bear): "Being able to change together. I'm a very different person to when we got together, and so is my husband but we accept each other for who we are. Also texting, it's so nice to have little texts through the day!"
Real love, real relationships require you to be vulnerable. You open yourself up to someone. They could hurt you. It's a risk. But one worth taking.
What relationship lessons have you learnt?
Should you want a dance down memory lane waving a gladioli over your head ... Here's The Smith's ...
Sharing with all these great Linkys
I've been with my partner for five and a half years now, we still text each other pretty much every day with funny quotes and send our love. I do agree its always a bit of compromise, a lot of laughter and most importantly being so comfortable with each other that you always feel at ease. #BigPinkLink
ReplyDeleteThat feeling at ease thing is so true. If you don't feel entirely comfortable with someone then how ..?!
DeleteListening and trust ... the biggies!!! #BigPinkLink
ReplyDeleteTrue. If you don't do either you won't get that far ...
Deletetalking to them and not at them! caring about whats bothering them and not just using them as an agony aunt! #anythinggoes
ReplyDeleteSo very true :) Thank you for the lovely, wise comment :)
DeleteWhat a brilliant post. Yep, trust is a big one but being friends too. xx
ReplyDelete#anythinggoes
Ah thank you :) Blush!
DeleteI feel like I should be able to make some profound statement here...(I've been with my husband for 35 years and we've been married for 25 years) but I can't!! I genuinely don't know what has made it work, I'm just glad that is has! I think the part of the post that most struck a chord with me was the enjoying each other's company bit. He is still the one that I most want to spend time with - perhaps it's just chemistry!! Thanks so much for sharing with us at #TweensTeensBeyond
ReplyDeleteSame here. I love spending time hanging out with Rev T. (Hopefully he won't read the comments or he'll be unbearable!)
DeleteWe will be married 9 years in November and having had babies straight away these years have tested us. We have come through some of the worst times because of most of the things mentioned in your post. It really reminds me what a good relationship is all about. #DreamTeam
ReplyDeleteThat's so true. I look at some of the stuff that Rev T and I have gone through together and am sometimes amazed we're still friends let alone married :)
DeleteNice post. I think not taking each other for granted is a big part of it. #Dreamteam
ReplyDeleteThank you. Not taking each other for granted is crucial I think. It's so easy not to make the effort ...
DeleteWhat a lovely post. I have been with my husband now for 10 years and although we might fight, we never dwell on it, in fact we both normally just end up laughing. #bloggersbest
ReplyDeleteThank you. We have very different fighting styles. I'm all noise and fury then forget all about it. Rev T is very quiet but when he blows ...
DeleteSo many of these I could have written! They are all the basis of a good relationship and I really enjoyed reading this post. Thanks for sharing with #bloggersbest x
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoyed it and thank you for hosting each week
DeleteNikki I confess I started to cry before I even moved onto the relationship advice from your lovely blogger friends. It struck a chord because as you know I have been through a difficult time recently and it has tested my family a lot particularly my husband. He is not my best friend or my soul mate but he is the strongest man I know and the one I can rely on 100% in a storm. No-one else even comes close. Through my moment of crisis we have grown as a couple and for that I will always be grateful. I love this post. #TweensTeensBeyond
ReplyDeleteSending hugs. Sending hugs. It's at times of crisis you really find out what each other is made of. Rev T and I have had our moments over the years, but like you, I know I can rely on him 100% in a storm.
DeleteI can't say anything to this accept that it all sounds good as long as BOTH people are willing to put in the effort. It doesn't work if only one person is fighting for the relationship. I think that is a big deal. I personal experience with that and my marriage failed because of it. It is good to see so many people who commented that are in good relationships. It offers hope. #TweensTeensBeyond
ReplyDeleteThat's so true. For any relationship to work, both people have got to be committed too it. One person can't do all the work by themselves. I'm glad you found some positives in this post. (I always worry about coming over as "smug married")
DeleteCommunicaton and laughter I think are key in relationships.
ReplyDelete#fortheloveofBLOG
So very true. :)
DeleteWhat an interesting read. I think this is something of a learning journey no matter what age we are. I'm constantly learning new things about relationships, how some things work yet change over time and how new ways form. We also need different things from relationships with others as we grow, don't we. Some things we value and need now that we may not have done and some things become less important over time. It's a changing landscape but honesty, trust and communication generally feature throughout. Thanks for sharing with #tweensteensbeyond
ReplyDeleteYour comment about needing / wanting different things from our relationships over time is so true. Ideally the relationship evolves and bends rather than breaks. But all the things you mention - honesty, trust and communication - are key.
DeleteFab post and great to hear what other bloggers think too. I think being able to be yourself is so important. It has to be the whole hog, warts and all type thing, or what's the point. Lovely to have you joining us for the #DreamTeam xx
ReplyDeleteHog, warts and all! Love that expression which I shall now steal :)
DeleteGreat post. It's so important to make time for one another as a couple and not just as mum and dad! Thanks for linking up to #fortheloveofBLOG
ReplyDeleteYes. I don't want us to look at each other when the Tubblet has left home and wonder who that is!
DeletePositive site, where did u come up with the information on this posting? I'm pleased I discovered it though, ill be checking back soon to find out what additional posts you include. How to be happy in life
ReplyDelete