Things I've Learnt About Relationships

Hope you're all survived enjoyed the Easter break.  We've seen family and relaxed  between working (grown-up) and studying (Tubblet).  Our big treat was going to see Arcade Fire at Wembley. Awesome!  Live footage over at NME and a few photos on my Instagram.  (Finally remembered the password! 😶 )

All that family time reminded me this post about relationships was lurking in my drafts.  Which is a bit awkward.  Having asked a load of lovely bloggers about relationships and written the post, I stopped blogging for months.  My apologies to everyone who helped me write this.  Better late than never ...


"I am human and I want to be loved ..." wailed Morrisey to one of the greatest guitar riffs by Johnny Marr.  (How soon is now - The Smiths).  A sentiment that most of us can relate too.   But finding the right person to have a relationship with is hard.  And once you've found them, maintaining that relationship is really hard work.

I've learnt a few things about relationships over the years.  One of them is ask when you need help, so I did.  Here's a mix-up of my and other bloggers relationship advice.  Take what you need, ignore the rest.

You talk and listen to each other.  

You both feel comfortable telling each other most things - that you're happy, sad, your feelings have been hurt etc.  

Danielle (Someone's Mum): "Communication and honesty My husband is my best friend and confidante. There is nothing I would tell anyone that I would not tell him."  

Maria (Suburban Mum): "Keeping the conversation going and asking about each others day. Sometimes it's all too easy to talk about the kids that we forget about ourselves and our partners, oh and date nights once a month!"

You can each be yourselves.  

You know how weird they are, they know how weird you are and you still like each other.  Everyone has their flaws.  Talk about it, sort things out and move forward.  

Carla (Random Thoughts of a Twenty Something): "Having realistic expectations from one another and being honest is something has made us cross rather than holding it in!"

You don't sweat the small stuff. 

Tracy (Pack the PJs):  "Not sweating the small stuff. Taking time out to realise that a lot of things don't really matter - as parents we have so much to worry about, it's good to take a step back, together, and realise that a lot of it doesn't really matter. Less stress leads to happier relationships!" 

Lyra (This Is Where I Blog): "Forgiving the little annoying things! Getting too annoyed at things that don't really matter (who's turn it is to wash up, laundry not being folded properly) will only lead to madness! (Very different if one party is genuinely not pulling their weight of course, but as long as everyone is trying and means well that's the important thing!"

You laugh together.  

Laughter really can be the best medicine and a little goes a long way.  

Victoria (Lylia Rose): "Compromise and a sense of humour! Being able to have banter with one another and take the mickey out of each other (within reason) and realise we both have flaws, but we love each other for them anyway!".  

Kelly (Kelly Allen Writer): 'In jokes'! When my hubby and I are a bit irritble, we crack a joke or bring up a memory (normally from a bad time we can now laugh at) and it reforms the bond between us, we know we got through 'that' so we can get through anything. Also realising what keeps you both ticking, and for us it's intimacy".

You enjoy each other's company.  

Enough to look up from social media, put the phone down and do things together.  Rev T and I have travelled to some great places, seen loads of good bands, watched some rubbish films and learnt DIY from watching YouTube.  

Beth (Twinderelmo): Try to set aside a specific date night for you both - whether it be going out or staying in. Phones off and just spend time together".  Thanks to Lianne (Mrs Mummy Harris),  I have discovered alphabet dating.  

But you also enjoy your own space and have your own interests  Jen (Just Average Jen):  "Time apart ... I don't mean separation but time doing separate interests and different friends etc so it's not all about having shared times though they are important too".  

Fight the good fight ...

As the old hymn says ... Amy (The Mighty Duxburys): "A good old argument every now and then. You can't agree with everything all the time (that's unhealthy!) and sometimes, you need to just have it out with each other. Within reason, of course!"  

Jade (Raw Childhood): "My family always laugh at me and my oh because we bicker about silly things a good few times a day but we never have any big arguments. When we need to say something we just say it and it never turns into something bigger than it should be which results in us being very happy."

You share things.  

Like responsibility for chores, taking care of children or pets ... There are no boy or girl jobs.  You may not want to do the washing up, but you do.  Because it saves them a job.

Natalie (The Diary of an Unexpected Mother): "Appreciating what the other one does for you/your family."  

You take it in turns ...

Kimberly (Odd Hogg): "Do what the other person likes sometimes. I don't mean always let them pick the movie - you need to have your say too! But a good balance of doing something you may not be interested in we'll mean they feel happy too, and it will be your turn next time. It's all about give and take".

You trust each other.  

And you don't worry about what they're up to when you're not there.  You both have your own friends, interests and are happy spending time apart.  

Lisa (That British Betty): "Trust. I think being able to trust them 100% with things like finances, fidelity etc is so important. Insecurity and doubt are poisonous."

They make your heart skip a beat.

There are grown-up cuddles.  Amy (All Things Amy): "Can I be honest? Sex & intimacy. I really think it's important that you show each other that you still find each other attractive and love one another."

You want the same things.  

Over the long term.  Your own home?  Marriage?  Kids?  Dogs or cats?  But you also evolve and change together.  

Louise (Pink Pear Bear):  "Being able to change together. I'm a very different person to when we got together, and so is my husband but we accept each other for who we are. Also texting, it's so nice to have little texts through the day!"

Real love, real relationships require you to be vulnerable.  You open yourself up to someone.  They could hurt you.  It's a risk.  But one worth taking.

What relationship lessons have you learnt?

Should you want a dance down memory lane waving a gladioli over your head ... Here's The Smith's ...

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