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Family Life, the Universe and Everything with a Latte on the Side

Friendships

Friday, 18 March 2016

The Tubbs family are lucky to be blessed with some really great friends.  It’s a shame that Rev T’s job has taken us away from many of them.  We don’t get to see them as much as we’d like as weekend working isn’t great for catch-up visits.  

Then there’s the friends who got away.  Most friendships end because the glue that held the friendship together goes.  No longer working in the same place or have children in the same class.  Nothing bad, just circumstances.  

A few times the friendship ended because of a falling out.  That may or may not have been my fault. Of those, there are only two I really regret not doing my best to sort things out at the time.  My best friend from school, M, and a workmate, also called M.  Gory details?!  Not likely!  I managed to fall out with them around the same time, with only myself to blame.  Not a good year.

Cup of coffee


We fell out pre-Internet / mobiles so when people were gone, they were gone.  When sites like Facebook started, I wondered about trying to find them.  

Having the opportunity to apologise to them and maybe put things right would be lovely.  But there were other considerations as well.  This wasn’t just all about me and my desire for “closure”.  They might not appreciate me reaching out from the past into their lives via the Internet.  I had no idea of their situation or circumstances. 

In the end, I did a deal with myself.  I wouldn't go looking for them, but if they crossed my path on social media I'd contact them.  If God wanted me to get back in touch with them, a way would be provided.  And if it wasn’t, then it was a sign that things were best left.

M, my old work college, turned up recently.  I sent a short note wishing them well.  I acknowledged that while they’d been a great friend to me, I hadn’t been the friend they’d deserved in return and apologised.  Whilst I didn’t get a reply, they friended me back.  If they’re still the same person, if they hadn’t wanted to know, they would have just binned it.  I've left well alone since.  If they want to send an actual reply, they can do so in their own good time

I have no idea if the other M will ever turn up.  If they do, I'll let you know.  

I’m not sure what the message of this post is. Maybe that if you get the chance to put something right that's bugging you, no matter how old, it’s worth taking it. 

The worst that could have happened is being ignored or told to get lost. The best, a long chatty email in response.  I got the medium, an acknowledgement.  I’ll take that.

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38 comments

  1. michaelar2518 March 2016 at 10:10

    I think everyone loses friendships as you get older and wish exactly what you're saying, Could I have been a better friend? I know i could of in some circumstances #PoCoLo

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    1. Mrs Tubbs20 March 2016 at 16:43

      True, then other times you know you've done all you could and it's time for the friendship to end. Thank you for commenting

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  2. Island Living 36518 March 2016 at 12:07

    It's so hard though isn't, reaching out the olive branch. Well done for making the move and I hope in time that you get a message back :-) #fabfridaypost

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    1. Mrs Tubbs20 March 2016 at 16:44

      It would be lovely, but I'm good with where we are. Thank you for commenting :)

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  3. thechickendoesjoburg18 March 2016 at 12:47

    for a reason i shall never know i fell out with a very good friend who was also my youngest child's godmother, i thought about contacting her over the past 13 years to find out what went wrong but sadly she died last month aged 49 of a heart attack, mutual friends informed me of her death and it saddened me deeply. I have another old friend that things turned sour with 5 years ago and it made me think about reconnecting, but i decided it wasn't worth my effort as she had said some rather nasty things to and about me

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    1. Mrs Tubbs20 March 2016 at 16:45

      It really depends on the circumstances I think. If the friends involved had been nasty to me, I would have thought twice as well.

      I'm sorry about your loss.

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  4. Anonymous18 March 2016 at 14:21

    I do have friends but they are in the Philippines and I so love social media because I can keep up with that they are up to. But its not really enough to be honest. I wish I can really spend some time with them. I miss me some company. #pocolo

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    1. Mrs Tubbs20 March 2016 at 16:46

      I'm sorry, it must be hard when friends are so far away. Sending hugs to you :)

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  5. Nadine (@caringchaos)18 March 2016 at 15:42

    I like this post. We all go through loosing friendships and maybe wondering if we should go in for closure - Ive opened that can of worms a couple of times. Had good and not so good results - sometimes people are only in our lives for a season :) x #binkylinky

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    1. Mrs Tubbs20 March 2016 at 16:47

      True, sometimes friends are for just a season.

      I think it's worth considering trying to reconnect, but it really depends on the circumstances and there's always a chance that it may not work out.

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  6. Ethan.n.Evelyn18 March 2016 at 17:34

    I think we've all done the same thing - well I did anyway. I also lost friendships because I didn't care enough but as we get older I think we become more aware of what friendship value holds. It is difficult to face the past but if I also have the chance to make things right then I would too. I really do hope the other M turns up and reconcile your friendship soon. Thank you very much Mrs Tubb for sharing your personal post with us on #FabFridayPost Big Hugs. Xx

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    1. Mrs Tubbs20 March 2016 at 16:48

      Thank you so much for hosting each week. I hope your trip home is going well and you're getting lots of quality time with your family

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  7. Jeremy Barnes18 March 2016 at 19:21

    Facebook has allowed me to reconnect with so many people from my past. Sometimes just that reconnection is enough to let one or more parties know that there aren't any hard feelings. There are times I'll take that as a win

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    1. Mrs Tubbs20 March 2016 at 16:48

      Indeed. That's definitely a win I think! Sometimes just knowing that things are okay is all you need

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  8. Lux G.19 March 2016 at 09:19

    Friends are such a blessing. They make our lives more fun, colorful and comforting.
    Enjoy!

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    1. Mrs Tubbs20 March 2016 at 16:49

      They are :) Thank you for the lovely comment :)

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  9. Jed Jurchenko19 March 2016 at 14:12

    I agree with Lux, friends are a blessing, and I like your statement about never passing up an opportunity to make a wrong right--such good advice :)

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    1. Mrs Tubbs20 March 2016 at 16:49

      Thank you :)

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  10. Nigel Higgins20 March 2016 at 15:11

    Well done for making the move takes a big person to do that wonderful post thanks for linking to the Binkylinky

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    1. Mrs Tubbs20 March 2016 at 16:49

      Thank you for hosting each week :)

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  11. monkeyandme20 March 2016 at 19:31

    Great thank you for sharing
    Monkeyandme

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    1. Mrs Tubbs21 March 2016 at 09:50

      Thank you for commenting :)

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  12. Emily Higgins20 March 2016 at 20:31

    I love social media so I can re-kindle friendships Thanks for linking to the #binkylinky

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    1. Mrs Tubbs21 March 2016 at 09:50

      Social media is great for that. :) Thank you for hosting each week

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  13. beautybabyandme21 March 2016 at 08:13

    Good for you - it can take a lot to be the bigger person. Friendships can cause as much confusion and heartache as relationships! Great post xx #KCACOLS

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    1. Mrs Tubbs21 March 2016 at 09:50

      They can :) Thank you for commenting and have a great week

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  14. Debbie Roberts - Debs Random Writings21 March 2016 at 20:06

    Hi Mrs Tubbs, if you feel something is worth trying to put right then you must at least try to. What you did took nerve and even if you never hear from M, you know you tried. I do believe, sadly, that somethings are best left in the past as you can never undo what has been said or done.

    xx

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    1. Mrs Tubbs22 March 2016 at 13:35

      True. I think you have to take these things a case by case basis, I've had a few people from the past pop up on social media and decided that the past is the best place for them!

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  15. Life-As-Mum24 March 2016 at 23:16

    I have lost a lot of friendships since growing older and becoming a mum.
    Thank you for linking up with #justanotherlinky

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    1. Mrs Tubbs25 March 2016 at 19:17

      I did too and it was a shame, but sometimes life takes you in different directions. Thank you for hosting

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  16. Morgan Prince25 March 2016 at 14:58

    This is a great post and I think you did just the right thing. Waiting for a response is a good idea too, not pushing it too much. I hope your friend gets in touch. xx
    Thanks for linking to #PoCoLo

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    1. Mrs Tubbs25 March 2016 at 19:18

      I hope so too :). Thank you for hosting

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  17. Something Crunchy Mummy25 March 2016 at 15:45

    I can totally relate to this post. I think people change as we grow up and we grow apart. My maid of honour no longer bothers with me since her marriage breakdown, I tried for so long and when I stopped she didn't start to try. It's sad but I have made better friends since, friends that are there for me when I need them. Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx

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    1. Mrs Tubbs25 March 2016 at 19:20

      That is sad. I'm sorry about your friend but glad you found new ones. Thank you for hosting

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  18. Suburban Mum30 March 2016 at 16:07

    I think we all lose friendships along the way. Well done for reaching out - I hope you hear from them. #KCACOLS

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    1. Mrs Tubbs31 March 2016 at 12:37

      Thank you, I hope so too, but you never know with these things :)

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  19. Franca Desjardins1 April 2016 at 00:39

    This is an interesting post. I don't think I have fallen out with a friend but yes I have stopped having a close friendship because our lives took us to different ways. I guess also living in another country makes things even worst for me. I have to thank to the internet for sure as because of it can still keep in contact with some friends although it will never be the same than having them in from of you. I think what you have done is correct. I'm glad your friend acknowledged your message. Maybe your friend needs time to process your message. Hopefully she/he will reply soon. I also hope you find your other friend soon.

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    1. Mrs Tubbs5 April 2016 at 19:35

      Social media is great for keeping in touch. A few of our friends and family are abroad and it's so much easier now. We'll see about my friend. I'm good either way :)

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