Surviving a Group Holiday

We - Rev T, the Tubblet and I - went to South Africa with six other people of various ages and backgrounds.  Rev T's cousin, her niece and best mate, the best mate's nephew and Rev T's brother and sister in law.  All wanting and expecting completely different things from the holiday. Some of which were mutually exclusive.

Group holidays are never all fluffy bunnies and rainbows.  There's always something to spoil the sunshine.  Don't let that thing be you.  The best holiday memories are about seeing and doing new things somewhere that's not your home.  Who wants to remember the epic row everyone had on day 3 or compete to be the biggest PITA?  Even if you're all secretly thinking, "Never again ..!" as you kiss each other goodbye at the airport, you want to part on good terms. To answer the obvious question, yes we would.  Whether they would is another question entirely.

Be kind, thoughtful, nice, respectful, willing to compromise and negotiate, know when to STFU and let things go. Or at least, when to lock yourself in the loo for five minutes to rediscover inner peace.  Here are some ways to minimise the possibility of all out warfare breaking out:

• The practical stuff.  Sort out as many of the practicalities - rooms, chores, how bills will be divided up etc - as you can before you go.  Clarity about expectations and practical issues may save arguments.

• Plan the days.  Plan group activities, especially if there are specific places everyone wants to visit, and book them in advance.  That gives a structure to plan other things around. 

• Take your turn.  People notice and appreciate small acts of kindness and consideration.  They help create good will within the group. Good helps prevent small niggles turning into big ones. 

• No one gets what they want all the time.  Some in our group love scenic views, wide open spaces and relaxing on beaches.  Others like cities and night life.  Be prepared to ...

• Compromise.  You will have to do some things you don't like purely because other people in the group do.  Suck it up and deal.  

• Split up.  Living in each other's pockets gets you covered in fluff.  Divide into sub-groups to do different things.  Meet up with the rest of the group later to tell each other about them.

• Allow down time.  Trying to do too much makes everyone over tired and cranky. Tired and cranky is not good.  It isn't possible to do it all.  Identify the musts, do them and treat anything else as a bonus.  (See Split up. Your Must Do may be someone else's Big Yawn).

• Know your hot buttons and don't let others push them.  Have something to hide behind - a book, an iPod - and avoid touchy subjects.  Drink sensibly. 

• Everyone is someone else's annoying person.  Even you.  Or me.  

• Be kind.  And if you can't be kind, be quiet.  Don't easily offend or  be easily offended.  Mum used to say there were two types of people - those who valued being right and those who valued being on good terms with others. Whilst she'd never advocate being a doormat, there are more important things than having the final word or getting that witty put down in!

Even with the best intentions and efforts, it's possible that an incident will occur.  If that happens and it's your fault, then own up and apologise.    Here are some tips for apologising well:

• Write it down.  You may find it helpful to organise your thoughts beforehand.  I prefer to wing it.  

• Take the blame.  Accepting responsibility and giving up being "right" is the first step in getting things sorted.  Start the conversation by admitting what you did wrong.  Don't avoid the worst bits because they're not nice.

• I and You.  Always use I statements rather than you.  It sounds less like you're having a go. 

• Give an explanation.  Give a genuine explanation for your actions rather than an excuse.

• Say sorry.  Mean it.  Unless you're genuinely sorry for your actions or what's happened, then you won't be forgiven and things won't get sorted.

• Come up with a solution.  Having apologised, try to find a way to avoid it happening again.   

• If all else fails.  If you've apologised, explained and they're still not having it, leave it.  They may feel differently once they've calmed down.  They may be a champion grudge holder.  The important thing is that you tried to put things right.  

If the incident doesn't involve you, then keep out of it.  No one will thank you for stirring the pot.

Any suggestions for apologising better or handling group holidays?

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